


if pizza, then happy

by birlcholtz (justwhatialwayswanted)



Series: The Frogs [5]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, Pizza, Poetry, Python code, and i finished it on a whim, anyway, are they together? are they not? who knows? def not me, or are they, so that should explain these tags, tagged the relationship tho bc even if they aren't together the feelings are there y'know, that is up to u lovely reader, the first 150 words of this have been sitting in my drafts for months
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 11:10:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15169433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justwhatialwayswanted/pseuds/birlcholtz
Summary: "If love was easy, we would be writing poems about better things. Like pizza."Nursey and Dex write poems about love. Or pizza. Pizza might be better.(To be honest, they're kind of about both.)





	if pizza, then happy

**Author's Note:**

> boo ao3 doesn't like my indentation so u'll just have to pretend it's there on the code

“If love was easy, we would be writing poems about better things. Like pizza.”

“Correction.  _ You _ would be writing poems.”

“That’s right, you’d code about it.”

“How would I code about pizza?”

“I’m sure you’d find a way.” Nursey taps the cheap ballpoint pen he stole from the last hotel the team stayed in against his chin. “ _ If pizza, then happy.” _

“Okay, number one, that’s not even how if/then loops work. Number two, and I repeat, how would I code about pizza?”

“I just told you.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Ask Chowder, then, I’m sure he could think of something.”

“He knows a lot more about programming than you do, anyway, so it’s more likely.”

 

“I know you said that wasn’t how if/then loops worked, but I’m putting it in my poem anyway.”

Dex stares. “You’re writing a poem about pizza?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

 

_ if love was easy, we would be _

_ writing poems about better things _

_ like pizza. _

_ if pizza, then happy. _

 

It’s a work in progress, but Nursey likes the way it’s going. Their assignment is to write a poem in a style randomly drawn from a wicker basket the professor has for this exact purpose. Nursey’s said ‘elision, plain language, mundane subject’. Language doesn’t get much plainer than what he has so far. (The lack of capital letters wasn’t required, but come on, he knows what code looks like, after spending so much time around Dex, Chowder, and Tango. It fits.)

 

love = random.randint(0,1)

poem = “here is the poem. ”

easy = 1

iff love == easy

subject = pizza

print(poem + pizza)

else

subject = love

print(poem + love)

 

“I thought your project was supposed to be Java?” Chowder says.

“Oh, this isn’t a project. I’m just creating an example of how if/then loops work for Nursey.”

“Why?”

Dex shrugs. “To be honest, I don’t really know.”

“You haven’t even assigned pizza a value. Or subject.”

 

subject = None

pizza = “don’t worry be happy. yay pizza”

love = random.randint(0,1)

poem = “here is the poem. ”

easy = 1

iff love == easy

subject = pizza

print(poem + pizza)

else

subject = love

print(poem + love)

 

“I don’t actually need subject, do I? No, I don’t.”

“Happy to help. Also, I like your pizza poem.”

“Thanks. It’s a work of art. Besides, it’s not like anyone’s gonna see it besides us anyway.”

 

pizza = “don’t worry be happy. yay pizza”

love = random.randint(0,1)

poem = “here is the poem. ”

easy = 1

iff love == easy

print(poem + pizza)

else

print(poem + love)

 

“That implies a fifty-fifty chance that love will be easy and I don’t think that’s realistic.”

“True.”

 

pizza = “don’t worry be happy. yay pizza”

love = random.randint(0,100000000000000)

poem = “here is the poem. ”

easy = 100000000000000

if love == easy

print(poem + pizza)

else

print(poem + love)

 

“There, that’s nice and realistic.”

“I can’t tell if that’s optimistic or not. I wasn’t counting how many zeroes I put in.”

 

_ if love was easy, we would be _

_ writing poems about better things _

_ like pizza. _

_ if pizza, then happy. _

_ that’s all. _

 

(Over the years, Nursey has learned that it’s better to have a short poem than to try to force words he doesn’t care about.)

His phone buzzes with a text from Dex.  _ hey come to the haus i have something to show u _

He replies,  _ pillow fort??? :D,  _ because why not, and closes his notebook. 

 

Dex can tell when Nursey opens the door because the first thing he says is, “No pillow fort?”

“Nah. I wrote you some code.” He tilts his laptop screen towards Nursey, who reads it with a mild expression of confusion on his face.

“What does it do?”

“It figures out whether love is easy or not, and if it is, it writes a poem about pizza.”

“Chill. Does it work?”

“I think so, I tested it a couple of times. We can try it.”

Dex runs the code and both of them look at the computer screen, although Dex is mostly curious to see which number is equivalent to love this time, since the likelihood of— 

“ _ Bro,” _ Nursey says.

 

here is the poem. don’t worry be happy. yay pizza

 

“Wow,” Dex says.

“Wow,” Nursey echoes. “What were the chances of that happening?”

“I don’t even know, I just hit ‘zero’ until it looked long enough, then copied and pasted it to set it as ‘easy’.”

 

Nursey turns in the poem, but if he takes his notebook out again later and adds ‘ _ here is the poem. don’t worry be happy. yay pizza’ _ at the end, well... nobody needs to know.

(Dex knows, though, because they thought of that together when they were getting pizza. It fits the theme. Elision, plain language, mundane subject. He gives a copy of the poem to Dex, too, to commemorate his foray into computer-produced poetry, and Dex smiles in a way that makes Nursey think the poem will outlast Dex’s ruthless tidying and spring cleaning. So they’ll see what happens. But first they’re building a pillow fort.)

**Author's Note:**

> why did i choose python i've never used python in my LIFE (and tbh i wrote some of this without consulting what u actually do in python so if parts of it are not, in fact, python then that's why)  
> also speaking of languages i've never used, i am nOT GOOD at coding so please don't assume i am lmao i was on stack overflow for like e v e r y t h i n g  
> anyway thanks for persevering through this mess of me pretending i know python, i appreciate you very much!!!  
> love, mel


End file.
